i think most of us spend too much time wishing we were different. simultaneously, we want to be better than and like everyone around us.

we need to feel like we are better than most. most people think they are smarter, kinder, and more attractive than the average person.

i wonder, though, if feeling like we are better than others is really all that helpful. is it really healthy? is it positive? is it associated with higher levels of connection, love, joy, gratitude, or anything else that is worthy of pursuit?

i don’t think so. no, i think in ranking and separating each other, we unintentionally dehumanize one another and prevent ourselves from experiencing actual connection.

it’s hard to fall in love with someone when you’re obsessed with which one of you is better than the other.

when we rank and compare, i think we diminish people to some stereotypes, to shadows of actual human beings that prevents us from seeing the essence of people we really love. it makes us competitive, and it makes us feel lonely because connection becomes so difficult.

to rank, to compare, is to alienate.

so, when i catch myself comparing and ranking myself among others, especially under the people i love, i’ll remind myself of why i love that person.

i will work, effortfully, to feel joy for their accomplishments.

i will join in the celebration.

and delve deeper into the human experience of love.