when i was little, i had numerous imaginary friends.

they mocked me. they followed me. they supported me, they cheered me on.

there was always a big group of them, a crowd of little people surrounding me always. sometimes they were older than me (usually they were). sometimes they were younger. sometimes they were based on real people. sometimes they were actors, or musicians. sometimes they knew more than me, and taught me things, sometimes i taught them. sometimes they told me what i wanted to hear, sometimes what i needed to hear.

the thing that was always true?

they supported me. in every way. they were always there.

and i never had to be alone.

when i got older, these imaginary friends were replaced by real ones. now, my life is full of real friends, tangible, embrace-able people, who love me, who support me, and thanks to the magic that is travel and phones and wifi, they all are always there for me.

when i was little, i filled the emptiness, the loneliness, my loveless chest with my imagination to bear the pain that i remember all too well.

i did the same thing last spring.

now, i hope i know, i don’t have to. i don’t have to manifest love, i don’t have to imagine it, i don’t have to dream about lives with people i can’t have.

doing so only caused me to neglect the people who were always there, who have always been there, who will always be there,

the people who love me.

my advice, i suppose, i stop chasing love you makeup in your head. focus on the present, not the future, because you don’t need to create or manifest love.

you can’t, really, do either.

it’s here.

it’s there.

it is waiting for you.

you just have to choose to focus on it

to trust it

and that

that

is how the world opens up.