hey squirt

i have something to tell you

i am in love with you. 

you aren’t perfect, no. 

i don’t idolize you (i am a little obsessed)

i think i can see through you, a little. i can see deeper, i recognize all of you, and magically i appreciate every little bit. 

even those subtle imperfections. 

you’re passionate. 

you’re intelligent. 

you’re dedicated. 

you’re devoted to the people you love. 

you stand up for yourself. 

you make me feel safe. 

i keep typing because 

well, who really knows. 

i want you to feel loved, surely. i want you to appreciate everything about you that i appreciate (not that you don’t)

i also want to process how i feel about you. i can’t really describe it, no, not to myself, because it is entirely new. it’s peaceful. this love is less dramatic, less piercing, less shattering than those that came before. 

i want to record this feeling so i know what to look for when we have to say goodbye. 

i want the world to know that despite everything i’ve been through, especially in the past few months

despite being wrong about love after love (or so it appears, at least)

i am right about this one. 

maybe, really, i just want to convince myself of how real you are. because when you spend your life chasing and running, as i have, it’s sometimes hard to know what to do with someone who encourages you, who makes you feel like you’re ready to

settle in for the long haul. 

the long haul that has to end in two months. 

a cruel, cruel world. 

cruel. 

and beautiful.