the hour after you told me you loved me.

squirt, thank you.

thank you for having the courage to look me in my eyes, to hold me close, to kiss me softly, to love me hard,

to say those three words.

maybe you’ll understand this: once, i had this feeling that i had to tell you, and those feelings are never wrong.

one thing i know: when it comes to love, there is no such thing as perfect timing. it decides the timing for us, and sometimes we just have to let it take the reigns.

you came crashing into my world, with your magic and power, and you changed everything about how i see the world. you determined my fate. that single hike, those few minutes that lead us to that powerful, raging, waterfall, were the catalyst for a shift in, well, everything.

i’ve always wanted to love you. it’s become impossible not to, there’s nothing i can do to stop it, things just

fall

into place.

i’ve fallen.

for the first time, i don’t need to explain and understand you. yes, i’ve written about you, i’ve relived those moments with you, but not because i needed to. because i wanted to, and because thinking about you

for once

is the least painful thing in the world.

i wrote once, “on the journey to understand you i began to understand myself.”

you’re different. i don’t need to understand you, and you don’t need to understand me. that’s a given. all i need do, all i can do, all i ever do is

admire you.

and that peace, that beauty, that ‘you’ is the greatest gift that anyone could ever give someone. so, whatever happens, whether i die tomorrow and never see you again or we spend the rest of our lives together, thank you for that gift. 

because, thanks to you, i know what real, raw, unconditional, untainted, pure love looks like. and now i know what to look for.

i’ve had soulmates in the past. all of my closest friends now are. each one is a little bit different. some happened faster. some happened more suddenly. some smacked right into my life and cracked my heart from the first meeting.

others,

the most monumental ones, the best ones, the kindest ones, those that are actually good for me,

they are subtle at first. they start in unexpected ways, they grow under soft, but persistent sunlight. their roots grow slowly, but they go deep quickly. their flowers bloom late in the season, but when they do, they do so all at once. they spill pollen and beauty and color up and out and everywhere and all over, and i find myself laughing that i didn’t notice their power earlier.

well, i did notice. i noticed you right away. i had a feeling where things would go, because of how they were going.

momentum, maybe.

but i’ve been too scared to acknowledge that momentum, to acknowledge that this crazy ride we’re on together i haven’t ever

not once

wanted to get off.

please know, i do need things from you. i need everything you’ve already given me so effortlessly, and i’m lying to myself if i pretend that i don’t need things from the people i choose to love.

ha. as if i could ever choose who i love.

oh, and we’ve both decided we’re not to lie to ourselves anymore.

so i’ll end with this.

i love you in more ways than you know.

i love you for more reasons than you know.

and all of them, every single one, has absolutely nothing to do with me.

it has everything to do with you.

and there is nothing you need to do, now, then, or ever, to make that true.

🦞