i am back from the second mental hospital that i have been in in the last month

it was a different one this time

i feel so much shame

so much guilt

so much regret

i liked the feeling but 

i didn’t expect

that things would end like this

my brain controls me in ways i don’t understand

can i even trust myself?

i don’t know

i’m terrified

of what happens next

i am done disappointing the people in my life

i cannot do so

not anymore

i cannot handle this process again

i have too much in my life

too much to risk losing it all

is it my fault?

no

maybe

but i was acting

i am so embarrassed 

so ashamed

someone needs to write about this