it’s almost unfair how quickly these things seem to work for me.

i fell out of love yesterday and today i’ve already fallen back in.
i opened myself to it and suddenly the floodgates were wide open yet again and i felt the romance creeping, slowly, back in

i’ll fall in love tonight too, i’m sure.

normally, now, i choose to dream and wonder about what they’re thinking. i look a little too intently and see what comes back around. i tell one or two people and then a few more, and as the word spreads so does the power of my love.

i didn’t mean to use that word, this keyboard has a mind of its own.

the person i wrote about in 23 lilac lane is fungible. my brain is wonderful at visualization, it is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness, and i can place anyone i want into my little worlds. right now, today i have chosen you, but who’s to say i won’t be choosing someone else tonight to be my

actor

the person i choose to play the role of the lover.

i can feel the sand begin to slip through my cracks, the container i sealed so recently is already so full of holes and i don’t have enough hands to keep my contents from spilling out.

so i’ll watch you, carefully. i’ll find reasons not to develop, justifications for the little things i ponder about in secret

(not that this is secret at all i’ve pasted images on doors so you’d have to see them)

i’m tired of loving from afar. let’s go back to doing it up close,

please. let’s get back to the euphoric highs after the time we spend together, let’s move away from the terror in your eyes when you look at me, away from your bowed chin and skip to my hand in your hair.

let me tell you what i love about you because i’ve already found so much and you deserve to have letters and novels written about you.

i am a fountain and i have so much to give you.

are you ready to receive my torrents?

god i’m tired of the water metaphors.