It’s because I sent that text. He hasn’t said anything. And I’ve done all the work. I’ve done everything right! I’ve healed! I’m invincible to his power! So why am I suddenly so invisible? He has no more power over me. Except for the fact that I’m the most lovable, most worthy I’ve ever been and now he doesn’t care?

looking back at this, i realize that he loved me most when i was at my worst. perhaps the fact that he doesn’t want to be involved now is not evidence that I am unlovable. it’s quite the opposite. and i can continue to let go of the people who don’t love me when i love myself.

Now he doesn’t want me? I can’t love myself until he shows me this version of myself is worth loving. He’s supposed to love me forever, haven’t I shown I did him? Somehow, I’m in the same position I was in 3 months ago. Constructing reasons, craving comfort from the one person who couldn’t (and can’t) give it. When it comes to romance, all my mind does is seek to attach to something. To someone, and it is always, always the least available option. Because if i can convince the least available to love me, then oh-ho, NOBODY will question me then. Well, I remind you.
You’re levitating. Ask yourself next time, are they available? Are you seeking rejection? I’m proud of you for catching it this early. I love you.