it is difficult to focus on work and whatever else is happening in my life. I am consumed with thoughts about him, how I miss him, how easy and comfortable it would feel to go back to him. How doing so is actionable, would lead to positive sensations, and relieve me from the pain and anxiety I have been feeling. Unfortunately, it is just not that simple. i know that is my primitive brain speaking, trying to find what thoughts are more effective at changing my rational mind so that it can get the streams of positive chemicals that it yearns for. the difference now? I am awake and im not going away. I won’t let my hyperactive, primitive brain structures ignore what I know to be best for me and what I am deserving of. the fact that these thoughts are powerful does not mean that i should go back to him. it means that i am going through a breakup in a normal way, that everyone experience, that my brain is literally designed to experience. and that is ok with me. i will let Brian, the owner of that primitive part of the brain, say what he wants and continue to try and save me. i accept that as what it is. but i refuse to let it determine my actions, because i can see farther than you can, Brian.

I literally cannot stop thinking about them. Unsure why that is. No I know why that is. I know that this is the primitive part of my brain, Brian, trying to affect me because it has been trained to believe that it’s protecting me, or saving me. I understand that these are just thoughts. I choose to take control of my mind, my life, and myself, and I won’t succumb to the pressing thoughts that Brian is putting into my head. I have the power to continue with my life.