It doesn’t matter that i was or wasn’t in love with him then. I was (old mason was) and that’s ok. I accept that ad I was, that old me was a different person who was in love with him, and that i’m not that person now. I can’t judge myself for how i used to feel, say that i was lying to myself, because it’s how i felt then. It’s how that person felt then. And it isn’t true now, and that’s ok. That was the old me, a different person, and i’m a new person now.