I hope you’re doing well. 

I’m writing this because I feel guilty and I want to feel better. 

It’s the only thing that I can think of to liberate myself from the thing I’m struggling most to integrate. 

I’m sorry for how I treated you. I am sorry for using you as a crutch for my insecurity. For involving you with someone who was not capable of loving you. I am sorry that I feel for the vicious cycles that we both created. 

I am sorry that I lied to you constantly. I’m sorry to myself for that too. I’m sorry I never gave you what you needed, or asked what was wrong, or took you seriously. 

I am sorry that I neglected you, Mason, you didn’t deserve it. YOu did nothing wrong. You deserve nutrition, sleep, exercise, and learning. You deserve to feel everything. I am sorry for making you feel like you deserved to feel nothing. 

You don’t.

You deserve a life that is full. You deserve a life with someone that can see you, know you, and help you become you. 

I am helping you on that journey. I like to think we’re in this together, a weird cosmic pairing, each of us incapable of progressing without the other. I embrace you, I love you, and I can’t wait to see what you can do. 

That doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. 

And it doesn’t mean that you’re going to be alone. 

Work on accepting love. You’ll find it’s everywhere, in everything. 

All you have to do is notice it. 

I love you, 

Mason